swim.

I believe I have mentioned before the long road we've been on with BBZ and swimming.  He began his relationship with the pool completely terrified.

It was not all his fault, however.  I am sure that my worry about his certain death by drowning was communicated to him through my mannerisms, even though I tried to keep a cool head.  I am a worrier, after all.

So when he was 3 years old, he began participating in swimming class once/week at preschool.  His teacher was a swim instructor and really encouraged us to enroll him in 1:1 swimming classes so she could work closely with him.

It was really expensive, but worth every penny.  She knew him well since she was one of his main teachers, so she knew exactly how to gently push him without him withdrawing.  She said that he is such a charmer, he would charm the pants off of anyone working with him and get out of having to do anything he didn't want to do.  Man, she had him figured out!

He sure has come a long way though.  As part of our Father's Day weekend, we went to the pool this past Saturday and he had a blast.  He swims every day now in the pool at his school during summer camp, so he knows what areas he can go into and where he can touch.  He was so confident.  I am a proud mama.

Now, let's talk about LBZ.  This boy.  He radiates confidence in the water.  I think he is probably also reflecting what I give off, and since I am a much more confident mama (I know he will not only survive swimming, but he WILL feel comfortable in the water before age three) he rises to my level of expectation.

He saw this slide, and wouldn't stop until he reached the top.  He saw those stairs, and begged to climb them "up and down, up and down, mommy".

 

I didn't think I was allowed to go with him, so I sent his brother.  BBZ got bored with that and ran off to play with a friend.  I ended up going up the stairs to the top with him, but he slid down on his own.  Over and over and over, he circled around the other side of this play area, back up the stairs, and slid again.

 

At times, he slid down like he owned it.  Other times, he sat at the top and just looked around.  It appeared at first that he was scared, but I don't think he was.  I think he was just watching the world.  Perhaps contemplating it from atop this high place.  I like to think that he was just enjoying the quiet peacefulness of the place, much like we do on top of a mountain.  It was kind of surreal.

 

These boys just continue to amaze me.  I love watching them grow, and contrast them against each other not in some sort of competitive way, but instead to celebrate their differences and better learn who they are.  

 

Each of them are their own unique person, developing right before my eyes.

 



Is he STILL taking a bottle?

I was thinking the other day about when I should take away LBZ's night time bottle.  Yes, he is 21 months old.  Today, actually.

No one actually asked me this question, but the whole thing got me thinking about when I wrote this post about BBZ still nursing...and I started to recognize the similarities.

No one really knows he still drinks a bottle at night.  He won't even really take one if he isn't at home.  And even when N puts him to bed when I'm not there he isn't really that into it.  It is definitely our thing.  And selfishly, I really like it.

He is independent in 1000 ways.  His independence is so incredibly different than his brother's.  BBZ is independent too, but snuggling at night, not letting go of nursing, wanting us to help with dressing and shoes, etc, those are things that have been and are a part of BBZ's life.

LBZ on the other hand, wants to do everything himself.  He wants to be put to bed awake and have some time to himself before he falls asleep.  He shows us numerous times throughout the day that he is capable of doing so much for himself.  So this little bit of his baby self hanging on is alright with me.

Plus, it still feels like our own special thing we do, like nursing was with BBZ.  I didn't get that as long with LBZ, so I am soaking it up.

I did decide last night to start reading to him before bed, with the hopes that when he transitions into his toddler bed he will be bottle free.  He won't need to be rocked then, and we will be able to snuggle in bed and read books together as we do with BBZ, if that's what LBZ wants.

I am slowly talking myself into just going for it.  He would probably be fine drinking his warm milk from a sippy cup, but what's the difference then?  It might as well be a bottle until we're done having anything at bedtime in my opinion.

I am slowly, but surely, getting close to being ready to let go of this.  Clearly, this is a lot about me.  I'm not afraid to admit that.  This night time bottle is what allowed me to be ok with ending nursing.  This bottle is how I continued to bond with my littlest boy when I didn't think there would be a way for me to do so.  This bottle is more than just a bottle.

But like all good things, it will come to an end.  He will move into his toddler bed and a new routine will begin.  I'm looking forward to it, while also cherishing this baby-ness of his that will very soon be a distant past.

So yes, he is still taking a bottle.

Mommy's Squishy Belly

For as long as I can remember, I have been self conscious of my tummy area.  I remember once in high school wearing a shortish shirt and running back inside to grab a jacket to cover myself up because I felt too bare.  Considering I was 16, about 90 pounds, and hadn't had children yet, I'd kill for that belly back.

When I was pregnant it was awesome.  Having a belly pooch is swooned over during pregnancy.  Even when I was nursing after I had the boys I felt pretty great.  I was about 5-7 pounds less than usual, which isn't a lot, but I carry every ounce in my belly, so it really did show back up after I stopped pumping for LBZ.

I'm working on a new outlook, and there have been a few contributing factors to my new outlook on this body that I have.

Looking back at my high school self got me thinking...I sure wish I had felt better in that top when my belly actually was thin.  Fast forward to now, I want to love the body I have right now, because even with some serious exercising, it's likely that this belly ain't goin' nowhere, so I'd better just get used to it.  And as I age, my body will keep changing, and perhaps not always the way I want it to.

I found a website recently that talks about the physical changes our bodies go through and how we as women should embrace this.  In addition to having a pretty dynamic pooch, I also have really stretched out skin.  Not stretch marks, but just stretched out skin from 41 weeks with BBZ and 41 weeks and 3 days with LBZ.  Check out the Facebook page if you have a moment.  It also contributed to a new sense of physical self I am developing.

The other thing that has me embracing my tummy is BBZ's love for it.  He tells me on almost a daily basis how much he loves my "squishy belly".

Now at first this bothered me.  It made me cringe and want to suck it in or deny to myself that it even existed.  But not anymore.

The boy loves it.  When we snuggle at night he will purposefully lay on my belly and talk about how comfortable it is and how happy he is that my belly isn't flat and hard.  Oh, the irony.

I read this post yesterday, which mentions a quote by Kate Winslet:

"As a child, I never heard one woman say to me: ‘I love my body.’ Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. Not one woman has ever said: ‘I am so proud of my body.’ So, I make sure I say it to Mia, because a positive physical outlook has to start from a very early age.”

Now I realize that I don't have girls, but my boys are watching me and they care about how I feel about myself.  I want to be confident in who I am.  And I want to show them if they don't like something, then they should make it a priority to change it, not just sit around and complain about it.

And if they are doing all they feel they can to change it, it is time to accept it, and move along. 

I also saw these photos of Alanis Morissette wearing a bikini over her not-so-perfect post-baby body.  The message is clear.  I need to love my body right now.

I am changing my perspective on me and my squishy belly.  I'm embracing it.  I am exercising, but the truth is, I may never live up to my own expectations of myself, so I might as well enjoy who I am and what I look like right this moment.

Honestly, even with its imperfections, I do love my body. I love the size I wear. I love the way my husband loves the way I look. I love that I can be comfortable in my own skin. 

That's a lot more fun and freeing anyway :)

The apple doesn't fall far.

My nephew is a young man who has Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of Autism.  My mom has worked with the government in her state to change laws to expand services to people with Autism.  The link below is to an article that talks about the work she, my nephew, and others in the state have been doing to get these services part of the law.

http://greatplainsnews.com/2013/01/15/autistic-boy-grandmother-make-pitch-for-autism-services/

I definitely feel like I was taught to be an advocate by my parents.  They always taught me to stand up for myself and for what I believe in.  So when I found out recently that the city government wanted to do some construction in my city, I became involved.

The project would be completed through a federally funded grant and would cost the city nothing.  It would bring 2.5 miles of roadway and sidewalks to width and length requirements as outlined in the best practices of the ADA.  Some residents who live on the street where the project would take place felt that the city was imposing in their property.  Many residents don't want to project at all, but some others want the project but don't want to follow the specific requirements as outlined in the American's with Disabilities Act.

This is where I come in.  As a resident of this community, I felt like I had to share my feelings about this and any other future project that will occur in my city.  I attended the city council meeting and said the following information during my 3 minutes of the public hearing:

 

I’m here to talk with the council about universal design, accessibility and the American’s with Disabilities Act of 1990.  And while I don’t have a disability or need mobility modifications, I have dedicated over 15 years of my life to working toward a better world for people with disabilities.

UD is designed to even the playing field so to speak.  If the world is accessible for all people, disabilities will cease to exist.

I envision a world without disabilities.  Not because we find a cure for Spinal Cord Injury or Traumatic Brain Injury, but because we start to build a world that is designed for all people.  We can only do that by following the manual that the ADA provides to us as a standard practice as we consider any new construction in our neighborhoods and in our city.

These standards benefit all people.  I live behind the community center and walk 1-2 times a day in the neighborhood.  My family and I are not able to walk next to each other because the sidewalks are not wide enough.  We either walk single file on the sidewalks or move into the street so we can walk and talk together as a family.  Luckily we live on a block where walking in the street is a somewhat safe option.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I want to know that if something happens to me, that I will continue to be able to access all areas of my neighborhood, even if my mobility needs change.  There is a woman named Marca Bristo, who runs a very successful disability resource agency in Chicago, who described to me her experience when she returned home from rehab after she sustained a SCI as a result of a diving accident.

She wanted to have some friends over as a welcome home party.  She headed out to the store to purchase groceries for the party and rolled to the end of her street.  There was no curb cut, and she was unable to get down from the curb.  She turned around, and rolled her chair to the opposite intersection, which also did not have a curb cut.  She followed her whole block around and there was no way for her to independently cross the street because of a lack of accessibility.  In the matter of one accident, her world shrunk to the one block radius where her house was.

I challenge each of you to look at your street and curbs when you get home, and ask yourself how you might be able to access the places you do, should your mobility needs change.

Because the fact is, every single one of us in this room, as well as our children and our parents, is one car accident, one diagnosis, or one wrong place at the wrong time moment away from our world shrinking to that which is accessible under these ADA best practice standards.

Thank you for your time.

The 3 minutes flew by, and I actually had to skip some of what I wanted to say, which included some statistics about people with disabilities in our area, but I think my message was effectively sent.  I also thought of more to add as I listened to the other residents speak.  One of the biggest arguments is the preservation of the trees that line the street that is to be redone.  There are many trees on the street, and most of them will be preserved with the plan, but some will have to be removed.

This was a hard one for me, because I am also a self-proclaimed tree-hugging hippie, so to advocate for the removal of trees goes against some of my own personal beliefs.  But as I heard these folks speak I came to a very important conclusion.

What good is preserving a tree of not all people in the world are able to enjoy it's beauty?  Or it's smell.  Or the sounds of its leaves blowing in the breeze.  A beautiful place is only beautiful if it is not isolated.  Especially if it is in a place that is open to and for the public.

The specifications laid out in the ADA and in laws following it are there for a reason.  Many people poured their hearts into writing them.  Spend days and nights measuring, testing, capturing, and ultimately ensuring that those specifications are what is needed and what is best for all people, regardless of ability or mode of mobility.  They cannot and should not be dismissed.

So I had my 3 minutes, and felt an unbelievable sense of pride in having the opportunity to address my city's council.  And I am more prepared for the next issue that might arise.  I plan to attend more of the meetings to stay up on the current happening in my city.

Because I can't complain about the problem if I am not willing to be part of the solution.  Or something wise like that.

A good ol' fashioned update.

I have not felt like blogging at all lately.  Totally uninspired.  Totally busy living life with my family.  Kissing my husband.  Loving on my boys.  Struggling with what the future of my career holds.  Just living.  You know, l.i.v.i.n.g.

But I really want to want to blog.  I have 2 somewhat serious posts started in my drafts, but I just cannot seem to finish them.  But I want to.  I want to have my words written for my boys as they grow.  I want to have information about what they were like as I look back on their early years, which are flying by faster than I would have ever imagined.  And we are loving these two boys of our.  So much.

The weekend kind of started on Wednesday.  I sat down with the boys and made their end-of-the-year teachers gifts.  I was going to but something, but then I saw this cute idea on Pinterest and figured we would stick to home made.  BBZ wrote letters on the back of his to his teachers, and LBZ drew some pictures on the back of his.  They were fun to make and turned out pretty cute!

 

Thursday night we went to a MLS game at Busch Stadium.  It was absolutely awesome.  I love soccer anyway, and the energy in this place was incredible.  We planned to have N's sister watch the boys, but my parents decided to come in town, so they stayed with the boys.  It was a great time, but Friday was rough for me :)

Friday we had a quiet night at home.  We brought in pizza, played video games and spent time with my parents.  It was a great Friday.

We also walked to the playground on Friday.  It's so nice to have one so close to our house.  LBZ and his Papa sure have a special relationship.  He wanted his Papa all weekend!  When he woke up this morning, he actually asked for Papa to come in and get him.  It was actually quite nice, since it was 5:45am.  Luckily, my dad wakes up really early!

 

Saturday morning after breakfast, my parents went to visit my grandma, so N and the boys and I took off to the garden.  Lu has the best little smile right now, where his eyes are squinted and his teeth are all showing...it's the cutest.  This is my attempt to catch it, but instead he just said "cheese!"

This one likes me to think he's as sweet as can be, but I know better :)

 

I caught it!  I can't get over the cuteness of this super-duper smile.

 

The obligatory photo on the carriage outside of the children's garden.  Spiderman style.

 

LBZ loves water.  Anything about water or swimming or splashing has his name all over it.  I really had to explain to him that he couldn't go into this water.  He was so disappointed.

So when we got to the fountain, which was on even thought it was quite cold, I had to let him play.  Of all the days I forgot a change of clothes, it had to be today.  So I had to strip him down to his diaper and save his clothes for after.  He started shivering and still did not want to leave. 

On Friday, N and the boys took my parents to see the new Lego store.  BBZ was so excited to show off the new store to my parents.  When I got home from work, there was this cute sign that says "a gift for mama because she is so pretty" with a treasure map on the back.  Hidden in BBZ's closet was this Lego, which I have wanted for years.

I was so excited!  But I also knew that it would probably take a while, so I didn't start building it until LBZ's nap on Saturday.  Then I opened it and realized that it didn't have the numbered bags like thy usually do.  1300 pieces and no rhyme or reason to the way it was organized.  It was tough, but I figured out a system.

I got a ways through it, but I couldn't work on it all day and I couldn't leave it out on the table since we had to eat dinner, so I stacked the bowls up and put the bigger pieces in a bag until later.  Then I was up until about 11:30pm and decided I really didn't want to stay up all night, so I saved the rest for Sunday morning.

 

So I finally got the whole thing done!  This guy loved it, but I guarantee it will not be downstairs with the other Lego's for him to play with.  This one is going on a shelf.

I finished it in time to get everything ready for our Memorial Day BBQ.  Most of our friends were out of town and others bailed, but we had fun anyway.  N set up the hammock he got for Christmas and BBZ had a blast.

We all did, actually.  It was a nice and relaxing place to swing and to snuggle.  Even if he didn't cooperate with the self portrait attempts.

These boys.

They played hide and seek with our friend, Ben, and LBZ didn't quite get the memo of how to play.  He kept yelling BBZ's name and telling Ben where he went.  It was pretty cute.

BBZ needs to work on his hiding skills, for real.

This is Janelle's surprised face.  LBZ took this one.

 

Everyone is snoozing.

 

Today we decided to go to the Gypsy Caravan, which was awesome even though it was a little hot.  I bought this cool necklace.

 

 

Then I did a little shopping and got everything ready for school tomorrow.  The boys rough-housed with N and we had BBQ leftovers for dinner.  Then we decided to have some family time and games.  And wine.

 

This cutie won.  He is currently cheering for himself.  "Yay!!!"

Don't you just love the 'A Beautiful Mess' app?  It's pretty fun.  So tomorrow is a new day.  The boys are each starting in their new classrooms.  BBZ is worried.  LBZ is clueless.  And I'm worried too.  I know they will both be fine, but none of us handle change as well as I wish we would, but we do our best.

 

LBZ is counting.  Well, he has 1-2, 1-2 completely down, then he will skip to 7-8-9, which is so sweet to hear.  He loves elmo and "mon-ter" and has been going to sleep at nap time without rocking.  He loves being outside and is beginning to hit, even though we are trying to prevent it.  He is a handful, and we love every minute of him.

 

BBZ is doing so well.  He is curious and smart and is figuring out this world more and more each day.  N told me the other day that he is able to figure out the challenges that the video games present to them faster than N can figure them out.  It makes me happy that he is using his mind during those games and not just playing a game for no reason.  He is pickier than he used to be, but will still eat fruit all day long if we let him.  He is stubborn and a little dramatic, and we are loving watching him grow.

 

Overall, things are amazing.  We are just living our lives and watching our wonderful boys grow.  I do have some deep thoughts I would love to share, but for whatever reason, my dedication to blogging is taking aback seat.  I am confident that it will return though.  Especially because of how much I enjoyed typing this.

 

Have a great week, friends!

4 and a Half. (and about a month)

About a month or so ago, my sweet BBZ turned 4 and a half.  Where has the time gone?  You are growing into such a lively little boy.  The toddler days of you are a distant memory as I watch you grow more and more into a little boy.

You say some of the funniest things!  One night at dinner, a kind (but a little creepy) waitress passed by LBZ and teased him and said "I'm gonna get you and take you home with me!". As she walked away you said "If she grabs him I'm going to elbow strike her!"  It was so funny. You just love your little brother.  Watching over him seems to come naturally to you.

You also said this while playing with some friends, "Guys, I'm just looking for a little excitement. And maybe even some danger. I am Batman, you know".

Everything is superheros.  Everything is larger than life and fantasy and the dreams of a little boy.  I just love it so very much, being your mama and watching you grow.  It is food for my soul.

One day while visiting Meme and Papa, you and your daddy were playing superheros.  You and he were superman and wonder woman and were married.  You were both running around and I think your daddy wanted to stop playing, so he said "that's it, I want a divorce!"  To which you responded by getting on the floor on your hands and knees and said... "ok, I will be de' horse".  It too had your daddy and me giggling for days.

You are certainly your own person, that's for sure.  These past 6 months have been full of extracurricular activities.  Tae Kwon Do and soccer to be exact.  You aren't in love with either, but you will at least participate in Tae Kwon Do.  You passed your first belt and this is your certificate.  You are so proud, even if it is upside down.

As far as soccer goes, you are not into it.  Last night, after you basically refused to practice, you finally told me that you don't want people to tell you what to do or how to play.  You just want to play.  When I asked you what you do want to do, you said you really want to take the computer class at school.  So that's the next plan for an extra activity.

So for now, it seems that sports might not be your thing, which is fine!  I just want you to find something that you love, whatever that might be.

You are still a serious snuggler.  You will fall asleep in your bed if I stay with you, but you still manage to crawl in bed with us occasionally.  But so does your brother.  I was in this bed with all of you boys just seconds before I snapped this photo.  How did I fit in there!?!

You took it upon yourself to crawl down and get to know your new baby niece.  You sure do love babies.  And baby girls especially.

You do have a new love of drawing and writing. It wasn't long ago that you didn't want to color. I think you had a hard time dealing with the picture you were drawing not looking on the paper the same way it did in your mind. You are able to draw more pictures now, so you seem to enjoy it more. And your brother is always close by you, wanting to be just like his big brother.

And reading.  Oh, how you love reading!  You are beginning to recognize some words, but more than anything, you love to be read to.  You will look at the pictures and imagine what the story is.  We read together every single night before bed.  I caught you "reading" by yourself one night and snapped the photo.  I love the way the light shines on your face.  Oh, how I love you so.

You and your brother and your daddy mean so much to me.  You are so much fun and such a challenge at the same time.  You teach me something every single day, and I am so happy to learn and grow from what you teach.  I can only hope that I am teaching you some things too.

 

I love you, sweet BBZ.  Happy (month after your) half birthday.

 

Love,

Mommy.

One and a Half.

Dear Little Brother Z,

Today, my littlest boy, you are 18 months old.  One and a half years.  Time is flying by and we are enjoying every minute of watching you grow into the little boy you are sure to become.

You have a wonderful sense of adventure and a desire for exploration.  You are curious about the world around you and want to know how all of it works.  When you have a question, you raise your hands as though to ask where something is.

You are learning new words every day.  I love hearing you repeat the words we say and make the connection between the word and the object.  You just said your name a few days ago.  So you will point to me and say mama, to your daddy and say dada, to your brother and say his name, and now you point to your chest and say your name.  It's so cute!

Here you are, getting your very first haircut, right here in our kitchen!  You were starting to sport a comb over, so I needed to trim the top up just a bit.

You really love food.  You eat a variety of things but certainly have your favorites.  Grapes, apples, oranges, any fruit, really.  Peas, broccoli, cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots.  You don't eat much meat, but I can get you to eat hotdogs, some chicken if it has ranch or ketchup on it, and your all time favorite foods are breads and crackers.  You are a carb lover!

You also love milk.  I still give you a bottle at the end of the night right before bed.  You skipped last night and the night before, but tonight you asked for the bottle again and sucked it down.  I'm not sure why you skipped those days, perhaps you are getting ready to wean.

One of your very favorite things to do is to color and draw.  You spend 20-30 minutes making all kinds of marks and lines and colors.  You also love to take the crayons in and out of the container they are in. You also love to stack blocks and have even made a tower taller than you!

You sure have a special place in your heart for your daddy.  You and I are close, and you only want me during the night, but just about any other time of the day is yours and your daddy's.  I love watching the two of you together.

You have a sweet tooth too, just like your brother and me.  You have the sweetest sign for more...you hold out your left hand and point to your palm and say "mo, mo, mo!"

It is hard to keep you busy while I am cooking dinner, especially during the week when we all get home from school.  You don't want to miss a thing, and while you usually want me to hold you in the sling, you will keep yourself busy getting all of the pans out as well as the cans of food that are in another cabinet nearby.

I had to buy you a new teething necklace, and you still wear it 24/7 besides in the bath tub.  It is really, really rough on you when you are teething.  You are fine during the day, but you wake up crying so hard.  It makes me feel so sad for you because you are obviously in pain.  And it takes us a long time to help you settle down.  You usually only want me when it's bad, and I sometimes have to bring you in bed with us so you will go back to sleep.  Oh well, we'll all sleep again one day!

This is your first real haircut at a real hair salon! It's a place designed for kids that I thought was overpriced, but since your brother struggles with fear of the salon, we decided to make appointments for both of you.  You did great!  You sat still and didn't wiggle or cry at all.  It went so well in fact that I tried taking you to a typical hair salon not designed for kids and you were NOT happy about it.  I didn't even bring toys with me!  I said I thought the place was overpriced, but it is worth every penny!

It's amazing how much you love to play with your brother's legos.  You never really put them into your mouth, so I don't worry about that.  You can even put the hair on the head of the minifigures.  You've got some good fine motor skills developing!

This was one morning when you woke up a lot throughout the night.  Your fuzzy hair is to die for!  I love that it is always fuzzy, no matter how I have it cut!

You still love bath time.  You used to go running to the tub when I asked if you were ready of your bath, but now you don't want to miss a thing! Once you get there you love it.  This day, you insisted on bringing your apple in with you, and I saw no reason to deny you.

You have the sweetest little concentrating face :)

Oh, how you love to be outside!  We haven't had many nice days this winter, so we are so looking forward to spring!  You love walks, the playground, and especially our yard.  It's so fun to watch you and your brother explore the yard, just as I imagined you would when we bought our home.

Oh my sweet Luther-Lu, I just love you so much!  You have such a sweet way about you.  Your teachers report that you love to share your toys with your friends.  You love to help around the house by throwing things in the trash, dusting after you see me do it, bring your brother his shoes when it is time to go, and all kinds of other little Lu things.  You have my heart, my littlest one.

 

Love,

Mommy.